Judydean’s Weblog

Evan has been watching Toy Story & Toy Story 2 quite a bit lately and he loves Buzz Lightyear. Yesterday he was jumping on the couch and he wanted to fly like Buzz. So he’s on the edge of the couch and says “God please take away all of the gravity in our house so I can fly. In Jesus’ name, amen.” Then he jumps. He says to me, “I prayed that God would take away the gravity, why didn’t it work?”

I didn’t really know what to say. Ultimately I said, “Well that was a really big prayer.” I don’t think this is the right answer though because I don’t want to teach my children that any prayers are too big for God. God made the sun stand still for Joshua, I’m sure He could take away all the gravity in our house if He wanted to. Wouldn’t that be amazing?

When he sneezes he says “I bless you-ed.”

When Mark’s sister Toni was coming to visit last year she asked Evan what he wanted her to bring him…anything he wanted. She meant a toy. Evan said “Avery” who is Toni’s granddaughter. How sweet is that?

We were driving home from church a few months ago and Evan was being pretty rowdy in the backseat with Mark’s mom, Dusty. He was just ranting. You couldn’t even understand him. Well Dusty says “Wow, you’re really rambunctious today.” Evan stops for about 1 second to say “I don’t know what that means.” Then he went right back to his nonsense.

I’ve seen this video before, but I just watched it this morning on one of my friend’s MySpace. It get’s me everytime…the reality of God’s love for us. He’s so faithful. He’s so loving. I’m worthless and so undeserving of His love and kindness. And yet He chose me. He pulled me up out of the pit that that I was in, that I put myself in actually, and He changed my life. Life’s not always easy. But through my relationship with Jesus Christ I know I can make it!

I’m always amazed at how God works.

As I live day by day, I think things should work a certain way. When I’m dealing with something or going thru something difficult I think it needs to work out a certain way. My mind is so limited that I can only think of one or two ways to deal with something.

In the past few months we’ve had sermons about prayer being the answer to everything and about having a new vision of God.

I long for a new vision of God and have been striving toward that although I don’t know how to get there on my own….prayer is the answer to everything. So I’ve been seeking God for a new vision of Him and I don’t know if I really knew what that meant or not. I think I thought it would be just dwelling in His presence more and feeling Him more. But for me, it’s been very different than that. I feel like my faith is stronger. I feel more intimate with Him. Everything is coming alive to me more and more. I trust Him more. Every word to all the familiar songs now has so much more meaning. Before, I knew the words and even believed the words, but now it’s different some how. I can’t even explain it.

I’ve been really having some difficulties with my 4 year old son, Evan. He’s been talking back a lot, yelling, throwing fits anytime he doesn’t get his way. I’m almost afraid to tell him no because then it starts. He pushes all of my buttons and I just lose my temper with him. I believe in discipline and I follow thru. I was just at the point where I wasn’t feeling a lot of love because I was getting so angry all the time. I was yelling at him a lot in return. I felt like we weren’t enjoying each other one bit. I felt like I was losing him…and he’s only 4.

So I’ve been really frustrated and I’ve been talking to my husband, to friends, etc. I found a good book that I ordered about establishing honor in your home (should get it any day now). That stuff is all good and well, but “unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it.” I was praying about this situation last Thursday and just crying out to God about it. I felt comforted at that time and strengthened. Ever since that day, that prayer, things have been different between me and Evan. I’ve been trying to lighten up on critiquing every little thing that he does. I have seen such a change in him too though. It’s not like I sat down with him and reasoned things out. I’ve been trying to do that for a month. I know that God is at work in our lives, in our home, and in our hearts.

God is so amazing. He’s always doing things in ways that make me say “Hmm, I never would have thought it could have worked out like this.” or “Wow, God just worked it out. I gave it to Him and forgot about it, and look what He did.” He’s God so I shouldn’t be all that surprised. His ways are above our ways.

Things are starting to come together in different areas of my life, and now I’m really busy. I’m planning to tour the Family Birth Center in New Braunfels soon. We’re going to check out a preschool for our son the same week. And, I’m starting a birth class this week.

Also, we had our garage sale this past weekend and now have room in our garage for the stuff in our shed that will soon become our office. After that we’ll be able to work on putting a baby room together. Now I’m ready to find out if we’re having a boy or girl so we can shop for paint and room decor.

I’m loving the progress that we’re making. I have a feeling that the next 5 months are going to be gone too soon.

So I’m trying to educate myself more with this pregnancy that I did when I was pregnant with Evan.

Last time I wasn’t pregnant with anyone else. My sisters had no children. And I really didn’t have any friends with kids. This time it’s totally different. I’m surrounded by wonderful mom’s my own age and I’m able to draw on their experiences.

With Evan, I was induced, went through labor, even pushed for about 2 1/2 hours. Ultimately, I ended up having him by cesarean…”failure to progress” I’m told.

Well, I’ve been reading up on my options with this baby. If I can have this baby without another cesarean I would love to. So I’m reading about the safety issues and looking into hospital policies, etc. Last week at my doctors appointment I asked my doctor about his policy on V-BACs (vaginal birth after cesearian). To my surprise, he doesn’t like them, doesn’t do them, doesn’t recommend them. He said the only way I could have a V-BAC with him is if I go into labor at 36 weeks, come in and am dialated to 9 centimeters and can push the baby out…before he cut me.!!! He didn’t say any of this in a mean way, just matter of factly.

So consquently…I’m now looking for a new doctor. I hope my doctor isn’t surprised when I call and have my records faxed somewhere else.

Back to the title of this blog “Following God’s Leading”. Part of me thinks that I’m a small person, and would I be able to birth a baby naturally or am I going to need another cesarean? I don’t know, but I have a desire to birth this baby. I’m praying about this and I know that God is giving me peace. I don’t feel scared of labor. I know labor pains hurt…a lot…I felt them before. Yes I had the epidural also, but that doesn’t mean I will again. I’m surprised at my own confidence right now and that’s why I know that God is leading me. There’s just something going on inside of me that says ” I can do this! I want to do this! God is my enabler and I trust Him. I trust Him inside of me.” This is not a peace that I can find within myself. It is peace that only comes from God.

I’m in the middle of this journey and I’m enjoying it. Yes, it’s work researching the birth process, doctors, hospitals, birthing centers, etc. I know that God has given me a better vision of Himself and of myself in Him.

I’m also blessed to be pregnant along with one of my closest friends (Tab) and other moms in our mom’s group.

This is one of my favorite family pictures! It’s all the silly men in my family. Evan and Sam were being silly and all the silly grown men followed their lead.

My sister-in-law calls Evan Lil’ Punkin’. Since she found out that I’m pregnant she’s been calling the baby Lil’ Punkin’ Seed.
So here’s a picture of our Lil’ Punkin’ Seed. This was the week of Christmas.

Evan is very aware of my pregnancy and he takes such good care of me.

Yesterday morning I woke up and I was eating a granola bar before I even got out of bed and he heard me open the package. He opened my bedroom door and said “Mamma’s awake!” Then he shut the door and I heard him tell Mark, “Let’s get mamma a glass of milk.” So they brought me a glass of milk. I said “Thank you Evan, that was so nice.” He said, “Yeah, I just thought you might want some milk.”

Another morning he came into my bedroom and said, “Good morning beautiful girl.”

Of course right now as I was typing this he came and said, “Hi nose beef.” But he said it in the sweetest way.

Mark and I were reminicing tonight about a funny incident when we were newlyweds.

We were leaving our apartment one afternoon and we were holding hands walking across a grassy area. Suddenly I say “Whoa” and I’m going down at the same time. Well he’s holding my hand so he pulls me up before I go down all the way. But, he didn’t know that I stepped into a grassy camouflaged hole in the ground. So when he pulls me up my shoeless foot comes out of the hole and at the same time he steps back and down he goes into the same hole, and I’m trying to pull him up. When it’s all over we’re just hysterical because we had to look like the biggest dorks to anyone who may have seen us. Plus I had to fish my really dirty shoe out of the hole.

We of course were really responsible and put a long stick in the hole to warn others about it and save them the embarrassment of having the same experience. We also went to the leasing office and told them about it too.

Memories…precious memories!